How do I handle girls flirting with my boyfriend in front of me?
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Counseling should help with this and with your communication in general. I have always thought that the only reason I would ever leave a marriage was if there was adultery or violence involved, and of course if there was extreme verbal abuse. Because of the treatment I received from the women in the offices I had to stop going.
How do I handle girls flirting with my boyfriend in front of me? - It sounds like he has a possible sex addiction.
Dear Wendy is a relationship advice blog. You can read about me , peruse the archives and read popular posts. You can also follow along on and. Still, the attraction was there. Recently, David asked Alex to help him move Steph into her new home. They were just helping her move, and I was being jealous. The second time, she needed a new couch brought to her home. Alex has a truck, and, again, David asked him. He lied to me. At first I thought this must be because of my overreaction the first time he helped her, but in the back of my mind, when someone lies about something completely innocent like moving a couch, I think there must be something else going on. Fast forward to last month when we all went out to eat. I was seated beside my husband, and Steph was on his other side. What happened the entire time felt like sort of an out-of-body experience: He poured over and flirted with her. His body language was leaning toward her, not me. The waiter even thought the two of them were together. When I spoke to Alex about it, I made him promise that this would stay between us. A few nights later, he took our son to dinner again. I was totally shocked, disgusted, betrayed and embarrassed that he would bring it up, especially with her RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. Another person at the table noticed that she lit up after he said it. Last night, she showed up uninvited at my home along with an invited guest. When I came down the steps, I saw her roll her eyes. I was so angry; this is MY home she is visiting! Who did she expect would answer? The trust is gone. My husband is completely addicted to attention, to the point where he betrayed my trust and feelings. My real question is, I suppose… should I MOA? So far, the biggest crime your husband has committed is flirting with another woman and telling her and some other friends that you were upset with him. As you said, you and your husband have other issues and I suspect this particular one is just the cherry on the sundae, so to speak. In addition to therapy, you know what my biggest advice is for you two? Stop hanging out with your friends so much and take some time to focus on each other, your marriage, and your family. You guys need to re-connect, talk about your feelings, and remember what it is you like about each other. He has perhaps rebelled from this treatment and inappropriately lashed out by blatantly flirting and complaining that you are his jailor. Perhaps there is something between husband and Steph, perhaps not. You both seem immature and messed up. Sorry you have a child. Their marriage has trust and respect issues — therapy is the place to see if those issues can be repaired or not. When a child is involved the parents should take whatever steps they can to see if their relationship is salvageable — but thanks for your crystal ball moment of impending doom. LW — Because you initially overreacted is no excuse for your husband to engage in an inappropriate flirtation or to disrespect you in any way. I promise he gonna be kissing your ass for forgiveness. You are having a little bit of an overreaction here, and there must be something else going on with you two for it to get this bad over what happened, if not this all sounds a little immature, but with that some people have different definitions of cheating and this could be yours. Hopefully therapy helps you through your jealousy issues, and helps him understand what should be more important to him. You two do need to just reconnect, and do your own thing for a while, and you need to tell him that he needs to make you a priority instead of his friends. Going hysterical on your husband just because he hung out with another woman and engaged in some flirtatious behavior is not a way to productively deal with problems. While he did fuck up lying and talking about your feelings in public , people fuck up everyday and if you cannot see past this then it is on you more so than your husband. I think it is good that you are going to see a therapist both for your relationship but also because I think there must be an underlying reason why you are reacting to this relatively innocent issue in such a frantic manner. Have you had partners that cheated on you before? All these people taking her to task, but no one wants to look at the obvious: he is being disrespectful and he clearly discounts her feelings. How about shoe on the other foot? And then, the guy she digs comes to their house uninvited and disrespects her husband in some slight way, in his own home. And then everyone takes her side. That would not happen. She would be judged. When you have a gut feeling about someone with whom you are so intimately involved with, sometimes it is hard to see the tangible evidence that something is wrong, but you could still very well be correct in your fears about your husband. Unless you have a history of overreacting about many things — then maybe take a step back. It sounds like your husband is very selfish. I suggest calming down and seeing if you two can get on the same page. This is your husband being rude to you, in front of other people, for the benefit of another woman. It will involve the husband actually wanting to work on the marriage though. There has to be two willing participants. I think there are deeper issues here-mainly his loyalty towards another woman and his own desires. Yes, he may not have cheated so her letter can be seen as a bit of an over reaction, but I think I see exactly where she is coming from. It isnt always easy. I think I would feel the same as her, to be honest. Although, when there is a small child involved the game changes. Maybe she is asking if she should MOA because this isnt the first incident of her feeling uneasy towards him, and this is the final straw? Good luck LW, just remember that you know YOU best, and whatever happens you must focus on your child and your sanity. Her feelings are important to him, her opinions are important to him- he will always place her and her well being above all others except maybe us, kids. I think the reaction is in response to some serious disrespect and real red flags that this man might not choose to be faithful. She should probably have a talk with him stating that they need to spend more time alone together, and they should agree on how to do that. Look, either you trust your husband. Moreover, nothing makes one WANT to have an affair than a clingy, overreacting, and utterly irrationally insecure wife. Seriously… if you are really so desperate to avoid being labeled the bitchy and jealous wife, STOP acting like one. So how about he stop acting like one? I think counseling is perfect for this couple to figure out the real issues. There is a child involved that needs healthy parents. All that we know here is her husband has help out a family friend twice when other people were present. Again, if a man acted this way everybody would rightfully say this was a sign of paranoid and controlling behavior and a total red flag. Yes, she needs to put her child first and foremost. She really does sound like a wackjob to me. Sounds like the guy from the recent letter who said he was a grown-ass man who could do what he wanted. If a couple gets married and they jointly decide it will be a monogamous marriage, one partner has a right to raise concerns when the other is acting in a way that is starting to go against their agreed upon relationship values. So I let him go. Luckily I eventually realized that I had no interest continuing to be married to a man who would treat me, and our marriage, with such disrespect. If the wife is being insecure and overly demanding, then yes, her behavior could be pushing her husband away. I agree with Wendy, I think that this incident is likely the culmination of much deeper problems, and they probably have some serious issues to work out. One of which may be her insecurity and unreasonable demands. Perhaps LW is really clingy and annoying and needy. The way to not deal with that is by flirting with another woman who apparently has a thing for married men in front of your wife to the point that people are confused about who the real spouse is. I flirt with guys all the time. Not them allowing me to collect free drinks and get asked for numbers in front of them. If being upset that my husband is openly flirting with a woman in front of me when he knows that it bothers me and betraying my confidence no matter how irrational it might be is me being annoying and needy, my gosh, did my parents do a poor job raising me! Its one thing to call up a really good friend to vent about a spouse or friend. Your jealousy issues might have pushed him away. If your husband keeps up the bull shit when you change how you react to things then he is really trying to f your marriage up…. I hope you guys can work it out…and if not? Well women that go for married dudes will probably get over them as soon as they leave their wives for her. From outside perspectives it looks fucking ridiculous and she my bros. If this is the case it is no wonder he is venting to a dinner table about your arguments…. Cases of jealousy that I have observed…. And it gets worse with alcohol….. Now maybe these insecurities are irrational or not justified or its how the person is framing everything in there head. But in a true partnership both partners would be concerned with reaffirming to each other their commitments and especially so in the face of insecurities. I do it because I care about them and their mental state. I see a reasonable about of jealously issues in the same light. I am not entirely sure that you overreacting. Were it me, this is what I would do: 1 Therapy, pronto. She disrespects me and I do not want us to socialize with her in any way shape or form because she is no friend to our marriage. Her husband lied to her. No matter what his reason is, he lied. I can see why her trust is broken. And, he allowed this woman into their house after he knew it upset his wife. AND being so close to this woman in public that a waiter thought they were a couple? AND breaking her trust again by talking about something in public that she had asked him not to. She has reason to be jealous. She is feeling insecure and this is where the jealousy comes from. TALK TO EACH OTHER. Your friends should not be hearing all your dirty laundry, they should not be playing go-between in your relationship. For either of you. You and your spouse are the only ones in your relationship. The rest only causes drama. Being alone too much is the same way. So I speak from experience. Now, your husband is being kind of a dick. He seems to really thrive on inappropriate female attention, and he is far too dismissive of your feelings on the matter. I think you need to pay better attention to your own needs and what the problems are for you and whether acting like this is unusual for you I hope so and get to the bottom of why. But for one thing, your eldest is old enough to have a social life and activities. When my eldest was ittle she was really well behaved, and we played for hours, managed to get out and about quite a bit, as well. You feel disrespected by how your husband treated you and you SHOULD. Your feelings are right. It just shows such a high level of disrespect from your husband and from the other people you were out with. I understand your not wanting her there. But you may be overreacting while verbalizing it to your husband, which you should be careful of. How is SHE showing respect for anyone? If women REALLY think that their spouse will never ever casually flirt again with anybody else for the rest of their natural lives, they are in for a REALLY rude awakening. So are any men who possess such utterly irrational thoughts. Frankly, all it ever really seems to mean is that MY feelings matter more than yours, because GOD forbid I am disrepected… Ugh. She brought it up in private and then asked him to keep it mum so they could move on. She had the right to be furious about that. And then, after being specifically asked not to talk about it in mixed company, he decides to talk about it anyway. If I were his wife, he would be sleeping out on the porch. He would openly flirt and have sex with, it turns out other women. But seriously, pathological jealousy occurs unwarranted and without cause. I am not the jealous type unless someone gives me damned good reason to be. I have been married 17 years now, and am not a jealous wife because I married a loyal sweet husband who would never try to hurt or humiliate me in that way. To think you husband will never check another woman out or casually flirt or have an attraction to someone is completely irrational. Same goes for women. And I have zero intention of cheating on him but I work with a guy that I joke around with, laugh and grab coffee with. We are all human. The LW probably needs some help with controlling her insecurities. However, if my SO was behaving in such a way that a waiter thought a different woman than myself was his date, I would probably not be particularly happy with my SO. YOU ALWAYS NEED TO MAKE YOUR SPOUSE A PRIORITY! I mean they can happen, but we would never cancel plans with each other to hang out with these other people. And honestly I am confused about how people have so much time on their hands for all these shenanigans. I have joked with Jack that I would love it if I had enough free time to cheat on him. I agree with everyone that stated that you need to spend more time having fun with each other. He needs to be flirting with you. Oh and by the way you know we have that pool date planned with John and Jane Saturday which should be fun. In summary: This girl needs to get out of your life. And frankly she has some crazy balls to come over to your house after she knows she started a fight between the two of you. I would be mortified if I started a fight between a couple. He was absolutely horrible and yes it seemed to start out innocently enough, but it continued to escalate to the point that I had to go through with a divorce. Please think of yourself and your child at this time and focus on trying to stay sane. I hope the counseling helps you. Emotional intimacy is one of the things I place really high on my priority list for my partner. I need to be the main confidante and feel secure in that place in the relationship especially as a wife! For him to 1, lie to you and 2, brought up a private conversation the two of you had is really not okay in my books. You have to decide if this is a recurring problem in this relationship, or a big mess up. Hopefully therapy will help you sort that out. One thing that I know has helped a LOT in my relationship is to write an email about how I am feeling if my boyfriend does something that hurts me on purpose or not. I just wanted to say how completely I feel what you are saying. I am the same way. I let him know that this is not done on purpose. I am not trying to use my feminine wiles to get my way! It is just my natural reaction to conflict… especially with someone I care about so deeply. Get a hold of myself and act like a rational adult. But, at the same time… it is who I am. I get sad when I am arguing with someone I love. It is what it is. I love the e-mail idea! I have often used the tactic when I know everything I speak in person would come out as gibberish. I can also make sure to state how much I love the person who I am having a spat with. I can argue my side, without flying off the handle. As far as this letter goes, as often the case in life, I think the answer lies somewhere in between. She should not up and MOA just yet. This can hopefully be fixed. It sounds like her husband has been acting like a dick. Everyone should put themselves in her shoes for just a second. First, to sit at a dinner while her husband shamelessly flirted with another woman in front of a bunch of people. And then to have her husband laugh over her reaction with his buddies and the other woman. He does obviously need to make some changes. And yes… this is about disrespect although another poster said we women use that term too often. It happens in my marriage. My husband has women swooning when we are out and then when we are home together, he will fart and giggle. She is annoyed that the charm is only on display outside the house. Sure marriage counseling will help too, but it sounds like you have a lot of personal issues you need to work on first before you start communicating with your husband how to improve your relationship. It will be good for you, your child, and your marriage. He wants to go to dinner with D and S and so forth — eh you have plans with your friend Debbie — he can go alone. He comes home late because he was out with S? Suddenly hanging out with S is not so much fun anymore. In fact no one cares if he does. Also you have a new friend from the office named Brian. You and Brian love hanging out! Let him know how it feels to be slighted. Men respond to no contact. Most people get off on the ilicitness of cheating. If it stops being about sneaking around it stops being fun. So just be pleasant and raise a good child. He reacted by making her the butt of the joke. Ie: be pleasant and sweet to him but start moving forward with her own life — if he wants to come along he will. Or else just drop him. A job that takes too much time away from the marriage is no good or that puts too many miles between partners is no good. You can tell a friend from others because the friend will act in the interest of your marriage. A friend who realized that a husband was ignoring his wife would try to pull the wife into the conversation. A friend would listen to concerns about the marriage in a way that supported the marriage and would not make any comments that undermined the spouse being discussed. Anyone who is rolling their eyes at either partner, a strong sign of contempt, should no longer be in contact with either the husband or wife. Anyone who has contempt for either partner has contempt for the marriage. You and your husband have a young marriage and are still working out boundaries. Counseling should help with this and with your communication in general. In general both husband and wife respond to each other so that if you say or do something positive your spouse will feel more upbeat and then they say something to you or do something for you that makes you feel more upbeat and your spiral up together. When either of you does something negative then you both begin to spiral down together. It is important for both of you to appreciate the other and to suppport each other and to do nice things for each other. It is important to use common courtesy with each other, to say please and thank you for the little things day in and day out. It is important to do little things for each other that say you care. It is necessary to find a way to talk to each other that works for both of you. It is necessary that you not focus exclusively on your own thoughts and feelings, you must each be aware of how the other is doing. You need to be able to share hopes and fears and concerns with each other. I think that men often have trouble sharing their feelings of inadequacy about relationships and about jobs. If a man feels that he is not as good as his partner for any reason he sometimes tries to make himself feel better by seeing if he is attractive to other women as an ego boost. Through counseling you should both become aware of areas where you need personal growth. You should learn better ways to communicate. You should learn to appreciate each other better and to express that appreciation. You should learn to draw boundaries around your marriage that support both of you and that keep your marriage strong and a priority to both of you. For the sake of your child I hope that both of you can work this out. It troubles me that your husband would talk about you with friends in front of your child. Your son should not be hearing his father talking badly about his mother. Your son may not understand all that was said but he will understand that dad was saying bad things about mom and that some people were agreeing. Why anyone would want a pathetic excuse of a man like this is beyond me. I would want a man who respected me, stood up for me and listened to me when something was bothering me. Besides, in this scenario, she clearly has a reason to be jealous. I think she needs to try a different approach. Acting hysterical is clearly not working. Why not try joking about it the next time he crosses a line? Embarrass HIM in public. Be overly friendly to Steph, too. If he craves attention so much, give it to him in abundance. Whenever you get home later, CALMLY tell him that, seriously, he should cut it out. Use facts, not feelings. After you told him how you feel he is still disrespecting you? This is way over the line. I think it is ultimatum time, myself, either he change his ways pronto, you both go to therapy or DTMFA!!! His body language was leaning toward her, not me. The waiter even thought the two of them were together. Anyone who thinks this is okay behavior by the husband has lost their moral compass. This husband is humiliating the wife in public. Flirting with women so much the waiter thought the other woman was the wife! She has every right to cry. How humiliating to go out with your man, and him to behave like a teenager after a prom, all over some other woman. What a sleazy jerk. She needs to leave. From your letter, it sounds like your husband has been very insensitive. You, and your son, are his family, and he should be putting your needs first, above those of a friend. Also, have you and your husband laid down boundaries for people that either your or him have had a history with? Now although your husband never dated Steph, there was an attraction and possibly even an intention to date, but maybe it never actually happened because of circumstances? Like the other commenters have already mentioned, try though it might be hard to communicate your concerns and your reasons for being upset in as much calm and rational a manner as you possibly can. I hope you are able to solve your issues through counseling. I think you should also see a doctor to check if you might be suffering from post-partum depression or anxiety. Is he really flirting on purpose in front of his wife, or does she read into ANY attention he pays this woman? How does she know what the waiter thought? Then he goes and talks about it publicly in front of the group. Definitely go to therapy, you two. And get new friends. Move if you can. Yeah, I saw very little basis for anything the LW said. She seemed entirely overwrought and it was really all much ado about nothing. Your husband has really messed up with this Stephanie chick, and I understand you having trust issues, and there are obviously respect issues as well. But I agree with Wendy, you do need to get yourself together, for the sake of your child. The constant, hysterical crying is a little much. A marriage is a total roller coaster, and during the course of it, guess what, your spouse is going to mess up, several times. Look, LW may be a total drama queen but her husband has NO respect for her. The fact that he openly brought this up in front of a group of friends after promising her he would not? Even if my hypothetical husband acted like a gigantic douchenozzle, I would never do that. It just shows a lack of respect. Steph knows LW has trust issues, and is clearly egging LW on. He lies, shows no respect for LW, and flirts with Steph to the point that the waitress thought she was his wife. Well, I seriously think LW needs therapy to deal with her trust issues but that she also needs to MOA. Steph is showing up and rolling her eyes without being invited. As I said before, I think LW has trust issues and needs therapy but I also wonder if the husband is gaslighting her, especially if Steph is showing up and rolling her eyes at LW. If your husband wants this woman and she wants him all the temper tantrums in the world are not going to stop them. You need to get yourself to a healthy place and be ready for a change should it come. The hardest thing in the world is to be in a marriage where one loves more than the other and it almost never turns out well. Get a life apart from him and become strong. I think the really interesting challenge here is for the lw to ask herself why she was drawn to such a man in the first place. The best thing to do would be to REMOVE herself from the situation holiday, visiting family, separation etc and decide whether or not she wants to be in a relationship where here feelings and confidences are ridiculed and ask herself what sorts of dynamics are pushing her towards the sort of people who are not equipped to protect her basic emotional needs. She needs to figure out how to not repeat this scenario in her subsequent relationships. I think that you are of the rare ones understanding what is happening here. Additionally, I think that her husband is intentionally emotionally abusing her and enjoying it. In this way he has all control in the relationship and attention from Stephen, his wife and be friends that he mocked his wife to. You see, he has not done anything too explicit to be termed as cheating so he can continue gaslighting her as well as ridiculing her in front of everyone. Steph beong a part of hei social circle also helps it look like his wife ks preventing him from having friends or a social life. But her instincts are not fooling her, and that is why she is here. She feels that her husband is unloyal even though he does not have an affair. It is called emotional infidelity. From this we can conclude that he does not keep her best interests. People will also side with him if he leaves her for another woman since he already painted her as ridiculous ans controlling jealous bitch on from t of everyone. He might be a narcissistic brat. I just wonder why she chose him if he has always loved attention from other women. I guess that is why she was against him helping Steph in the first place. Your answer is similar to what I said. I think that you are of the rare ones understanding what is happening here. Additionally, I think that her husband is intentionally emotionally abusing her and enjoying it. In this way he has all control in the relationship and attention from Steph, his wife and be friends that he mocked his wife to. You see, he has not done anything too explicit to be termed as cheating so he can continue gaslighting her as well as ridiculing her in front of everyone. Steph beong a part of hei social circle also helps it look like his wife ks preventing him from having friends or a social life. But her instincts are not fooling her, and that is why she is here. She feels that her husband is unloyal even though he does not have an affair. It is called emotional infidelity. From this we can conclude that he does not keep her best interests. People will also side with him if he leaves her for another woman since he already painted her as ridiculous ans controlling jealous bitch on from t of everyone. He might be a narcissistic brat. I just wonder why she chose him if he has always loved attention from other women. I guess that is why she was against him helping Steph in the first place. Your answer is similar to what I said. IT IS AS TRUE AS IT IS SAID ASK ANY GENTLEMAN AND HE WILL TELL YOU THE SAME. My husband has a tendency to flirt with other women especially when we are not getting along.. About a month ago we went to an upscale martini bar.. I went outside to smoke and when I returned I found myself between my husband and some blonde who thought it was hysterical that I was his wife.. Your husband definitely showed a lack of respect. Couples mistakenly go nuclear over an issue, which is completely unnecessary. Be sure to focus on what is right with it. True love includes a lot of forgiving and — well- sacrifice. No couple should seek divorce unless there is abuse, use, and complete I fidelity. Remember also that women typically are more mature emotionally. Some say marriages are held together when there are certain habits. Doctors research note that blissful couples argue as much as unhappy couples. You both need to develop better marriage friendly habits and stop hanging with other friends. Also, think about spending time with your husband just talking about your future together- dreaming…. Where do you want to be in ten years? What do you want your life to look like? If you both have married parents, spend fun time with your entire family as well. AND… Ignore this other girl. She had zero power over you. They are smart women. You might have to find them at a Church parish though. They see men and marriage a little differently and sure have knowledge I never learned anywhere. This is no reason to question a relationship…… When your really questioning how your husband spends his time. That was no accident. I think there needs to be mutual respect between a husband and wife and there is a difference between flirting and being nice. It is disrespectful to flirt with any one while being married. The Bible talks about the dangers of flirting and how it affects both parties and families. I think he has the problem if he has to flirt with other women to feel good about himself and not only lacks respect for his wife but himself. There is the mental infidelity. Just something to think about. This is exactly how affairs get started and from what LW stated, it seems like he is degrading her in front of a potential affair interest. I realized he did this to improve his chances of having a fling with his next AP. That will just cause them to go to greater lengths to hide their affair whether it be emotional, physical or both. Get your proof and do what you will with it. My husband 20 years married, is not the type of flirting and never was, but, suddenly he was flirting with the neigbour just like that, we were at the neigbours to dinner, and for fun I invited him my hubby to dance with me, and then he left me and started to dance with her, and make her compliments, I just couldnt believe it. The partner of the woman felt for sure weird and invite me to dance, but the whole thing was disgusting. I think is disrespectfull to flirt in your face. But…she has to let go of him or he will bolt. My marriage changed when I stepped back and decided whatever happened was fine. If he cheated, then I would deal with it. If he never came home. I would find some hobbies. I smiled, I treated him kindly. If I cried, I waited until he walked out the door. Two weeks later he came home instead of going with his buddies. I was surprised but he said he missed me. It became more frequent until he only went out like once a week if even that it he took me with him. If my husband had a flirt, and she would visit my home, because my husband gave her the address, I would flip. I would put her in her place. I would tell my husband off. I would tell him, you made vowes to me, you are distracting me and the institution of our marriage. Why did she come and visit you, this is wrong. Yes you both need some serious marriage counseling. I see a future cheating pattern here. That woman needs to be stopped, but your husband is the one that hasto put a stop to her. Flirting is ok if both partners are ok, but Steph took the flirting seriously, she showed up at your door, that is wrong.
GIRL TRIES TO GET WITH MY BOYFRIEND IN FRONT OF ME
She is a pastoral family counselor and has parented birth, step, adopted and zip children. No matter what his reason is, he lied. If not, which one do you need to work on. That does not mean its your fault, but if you think a husband is operating like a saint, you have to get into reality. Con your marriage great. I respect him, care for him, love him and pray for him. His flirting has caused me to feel so unloved by him and so much inter turmoil, fear and anger. I think there needs to be mutual respect between a husband and wife and there is a resistance between flirting and being nice. I try to talk to him and pour out my heart but he seems to have no desire o listen at all. Reflect upon your own behavior.
